Purchase NOON box set (Limited Edition)
€ 100
Purchase NOON eBook
(EPUB)
€ 10
COMING SOON
NOON is a collection of six works written by Efthimis Filippou: Apologiae 4 & 5; Scenes; Various Picks Petros; Rob; Haemata; and Liver.
NOON is available as a limited edition box set (pictured) and eBook.
︎ View cart
Rob
Fiction by Efthimis Filippou
Translated by Kyriacos Karseras
Book Four of the NOON collection
First edition in any language
-
Police Inspector
Tonight, we’ll be talking about something we don’t often talk about. Can you guess what it is we’ll be talking about?
Rob’s Friend
Will we be talking about love?
Police Inspector
That’s right. Well done. You’re absolutely right. We’ll be talking about love. But before we begin, there are a few things I’d like to tell you all. Your hair. Your hair must be lovely. Combed and lovely. Your clothes must be lovely. There’s no reason for you to wear horrible clothes. The steps you take must be sure and steady steps, neither too small nor too big and clumsy. And when you talk, don’t talk slowly. People who talk slowly are really quite ridiculous. Never talk slowly ever in your lives. Now drink a little water to refresh yourselves. Each of you take a glass in your hand and put in a good few ice cubes and drink a little water. You must prune your flowering plants and trees, you must caress your mother’s mother, you must leave one button undone when wearing a shirt. Now drink a little more water to refresh yourselves. It’s good form to look each other in the eye, that’s the politest thing to do before starting a conversation. It would be good if you each gave one another a flower, that’s the most vital thing that has to happen before the start of any conversation. You must put on clean underwear every day, you must brush your teeth every morning and every night, you must be faithful and devoted to your partners. It would be good if you smoked less or even quit completely, and watched what you ate. Any questions so far?
No-one says a word.
Police Inspector
The tone of your voice must stay steady, neither too low nor too high. Generally speaking, you should show understanding but only up to a point. Where this point is is something you’ll have to figure out for yourselves. If you show less understanding than you really should, then you’ll end up alone. If you show more understanding than you really should, then – again – you’ll end up alone. It would be good if you all kissed my feet but don’t do it just yet, maybe later, I don’t know, we’ll see, I’ll tell you when. The place where each person sits is designated but not compulsory. If you want to switch places then do so, but do it now. It’s getting on and we have to be getting started. Also, there’s something very important that I almost forgot. The music must be lovely. There’s no reason for us to listen to horrible music given that this is something we can avoid. Right then, let whoever’s looking the most lovely start tonight’s conversation.
Man Who Wants to Be Like Rob / U.G.F. Member Two
Good evening. I guess I’ll be getting us started then. A cup of warm herbal tea with honey and an English butter biscuit on the side.
Girl Who Loves Rob / U.G.F. Member One
Lovely.
Rob’s Friend
Lovely.
Rob’s Headmistress
Lovely.
Police Inspector
Lovely.
Rob’s Father / Victim Two
Lovely.
Rob’s Mother / Victim One
Lovely.
Annoying Saleswoman / Victim Three
Lovely.
Rob’s Little Sister
Lovely.
Rob’s Prison Guard
Lovely.
Man Who Wants to Be Like Rob / U.G.F. Member Two
A garden lit with green lights.
Girl Who Loves Rob / U.G.F. Member One
Lovely.
Rob’s Friend
Lovely.
[...]
Fiction by Efthimis Filippou
Translated by Kyriacos Karseras
Book Four of the NOON collection
First edition in any language
-
Police Inspector
Tonight, we’ll be talking about something we don’t often talk about. Can you guess what it is we’ll be talking about?
Rob’s Friend
Will we be talking about love?
Police Inspector
That’s right. Well done. You’re absolutely right. We’ll be talking about love. But before we begin, there are a few things I’d like to tell you all. Your hair. Your hair must be lovely. Combed and lovely. Your clothes must be lovely. There’s no reason for you to wear horrible clothes. The steps you take must be sure and steady steps, neither too small nor too big and clumsy. And when you talk, don’t talk slowly. People who talk slowly are really quite ridiculous. Never talk slowly ever in your lives. Now drink a little water to refresh yourselves. Each of you take a glass in your hand and put in a good few ice cubes and drink a little water. You must prune your flowering plants and trees, you must caress your mother’s mother, you must leave one button undone when wearing a shirt. Now drink a little more water to refresh yourselves. It’s good form to look each other in the eye, that’s the politest thing to do before starting a conversation. It would be good if you each gave one another a flower, that’s the most vital thing that has to happen before the start of any conversation. You must put on clean underwear every day, you must brush your teeth every morning and every night, you must be faithful and devoted to your partners. It would be good if you smoked less or even quit completely, and watched what you ate. Any questions so far?
No-one says a word.
Police Inspector
The tone of your voice must stay steady, neither too low nor too high. Generally speaking, you should show understanding but only up to a point. Where this point is is something you’ll have to figure out for yourselves. If you show less understanding than you really should, then you’ll end up alone. If you show more understanding than you really should, then – again – you’ll end up alone. It would be good if you all kissed my feet but don’t do it just yet, maybe later, I don’t know, we’ll see, I’ll tell you when. The place where each person sits is designated but not compulsory. If you want to switch places then do so, but do it now. It’s getting on and we have to be getting started. Also, there’s something very important that I almost forgot. The music must be lovely. There’s no reason for us to listen to horrible music given that this is something we can avoid. Right then, let whoever’s looking the most lovely start tonight’s conversation.
Man Who Wants to Be Like Rob / U.G.F. Member Two
Good evening. I guess I’ll be getting us started then. A cup of warm herbal tea with honey and an English butter biscuit on the side.
Girl Who Loves Rob / U.G.F. Member One
Lovely.
Rob’s Friend
Lovely.
Rob’s Headmistress
Lovely.
Police Inspector
Lovely.
Rob’s Father / Victim Two
Lovely.
Rob’s Mother / Victim One
Lovely.
Annoying Saleswoman / Victim Three
Lovely.
Rob’s Little Sister
Lovely.
Rob’s Prison Guard
Lovely.
Man Who Wants to Be Like Rob / U.G.F. Member Two
A garden lit with green lights.
Girl Who Loves Rob / U.G.F. Member One
Lovely.
Rob’s Friend
Lovely.
[...]